From Despair, to Disinterest, to... Hope

How quick our are hearts to accept the evil of the world!

Contaminated water. Malaria. Domestic abuse. Post traumatic stress disorder. Theft. Orphans. Widows. Alcohol abuse. Every day, everywhere. Every homestead, every person feels these evils. Yet, I find it astonishing and horrifying that these evils slowly and stealthily thread their way through my consciousness, establishing themselves as normalcy. When one first confronts such suffering, the pain cuts deep - deep to the heart. You cry out against the wrongness, the corruption of that which should be. But as one presses on, further into the corruption, one begins to accept the status quo - no matter how bad it is. When your 37th interviewee complains about having no money to send children to school, you calmly note the problem in a logbook, say that you're sorry, explain why you can't help, and pray for them - a prayer that has been refined about 50 times, become cold and routine through repetition.

The first widow you meet tells of her struggles, and you are brought to tears... the 20th widow's story is a few points of data in a notebook.

It becomes easier to say 'no.'

But it shouldn't. It should never be easy to see the brokenness of the world and shrug your shoulders. We should never be numb to evil. The pain should be there - every single time. The only thing worse than despair is the unfeeling of indifference.

Wolterstorff writes, "Suffering is the shout of 'No' by one's whole existence to that over which one suffers... And sometimes, when the cry is intense, there emerges a radiance which elsewhere seldom appears: a glow of courage of love, of insight of selflessness, of faith. In that radiance we see best what humanity was meant to be."

How does one walk the line - the line between despair and acceptance? For the Christian, that line is the only option - Hope. Hope lies between despair and disinterest. Or, rather, Hope lies beyond despair and disinterest. On the Via Dolorosa.

Odds and Ends

My trusty African bicycle (complete with faulty brakes and loose wheels)

Somebody was here...

One of our chickens caught this. We think it's a Cecilian (snake-lizard)

A nest of Kalang, aka Soldier Ants, Safari Ants, Siafu Ants. An incredible (and menacing) sight when they are on the march! Painful sting, too.

Yup, that's right. We feed our puppy goat's milk... and remove the middleman.

The Scourge of War

This is the dead land

This is cactus land

Here the stone images

Are raised, here they receive

The supplication of a dead man’s hand

Under the twinkle of a fading star

- TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"

ahem

Okay, considering that my last post was a rather impassioned reflection on an incredibly full past few days, I figured that I ought to give a quick, objective explanation of exactly what it is that I'm doing here in the countryside of Adak.

Out of the hundreds of impoverished villages in Gulu district, Touch the World Uganda has, for one reason or another, settled in the village of Adak - making its home among the people it desires to serve. Here, we are constructing a health center (the only one around), a vocational school, and a well for clean water. However, we are still not fully in touch with the strengths and needs of this community. And how can we rebuild a war-torn village without working together with its inhabitants? Thus, TTWU has given me the task of LEARNING about the community and BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS with village dwellers.

For the first few days, I traveled around on bicycle - sometimes alone, sometimes with local guides - using a GPS (courtesy Adam Boe) to construct a rudimentary map of the bush surrounding the village. Now, I have partnered up with a local village leader, Alfred, to visit as many families as I can within 5km of Adak. These visits serve many purposes. Of course, they are the introductions necessary in partnering with locals. Additionally, we are using the visits to create a rough population survey of our area of ministry. Finally, we are conducting friendly, informal surveys to get a general idea of the assets of the community - livestock, skills, capital, land, cash crops, etc. In the future, we plan on working together to capitalize on these strengths to rebuild the area.

Right now, we are only focusing on the strengths of the villagers - for their whole lives, their weaknesses have been shoved in their faces by USAID, WFP, the UN, and even World Vision. The climb out of poverty to empowerment and liberation relies more upon the maximization of strengths than on the temporary alleviation of problems. Of course, we are noting their problems as well, but always with the mindset of using the blessings God has given them to fix them.

Where have you been, my blue-eyed son?

I write to you now as one who is exhausted. It seems I have lived a year since I wrote last.

The past two weeks have been perhaps the most stretching weeks in my entire life. Not necessarily the most “life-changing,” or “eye-opening” – but the most stretching. Physically, in the past ten days I have bicycled nearly two hundred kilometers around the small village of Adak – on trails that hardly deserve the name, small lines of dirt snaking through the long grass of the bush; through villages and compounds; across creeks and swamps; over enormous columns of marching safari ants; past huts, goats, and empty lands. It is impossible to summarize the experience – I can only give you glimpses.

I have seen enormous fields of rice and tobacco; I have seen children squirming in agony from preventable tetanus infection.

I have seen buildings steadily rising out of the bush; I have seen bullet-scarred homes disintegrate in the mud and rain.

I have seen the delighted grins of children coming to meet a visitor; I have seen the utter fear in children who had never before seen a white person.

I have met people who generously presented me with their best chickens; I have met people who pleaded with me for a pittance of money with which to buy alcohol.

I have gone days eating nothing but cassava and beans; I have stuffed myself on choice roast pork and goat.

I have praised the LORD for his awesome Creation; I have cried out angrily to God for the horrendous evils He allows.

I have partaken in the blessed fellowship of communal living; I have felt the bitter division of clashing beliefs.

I have enjoyed the challenge of learning a new language; I have been driven to anger over the frustrations of miscommunications.

I have heard joyful shouts of worship; I have heard the mournful wail of screaming children.

I have blessed Africa; I have cursed her.

I have bargained with a teenage interpreter. I have slaughtered a chicken. I have questioned a drunken village president. I have prayed over sick children. I have been pained from eating bad meat. I have cleaned latrines. I have ridden on a motorcycle with two other people, 50lbs of supplies, and a puppy.

I have been led through the countryside by a local pastor – countryside so beautiful and lush that one wonders how a war could ever have been fought there. That same pastor showed me the home where he was abducted by armed rebels; where he was allowed to rest with other child soldiers and slaves; where everyone but he was slaughtered in cold blood; where government soldiers would hide the bodies of villagers they killed; where the LRA would ambush cars along the road.

I met Denise, an HIV+ woman who struggles to care for 15 children – her own, her co-wife’s, and orphans – by herself, while her husband lives 23 kilometers away with the other wife.

I met Nancy, a child of about 8, who carries a festering, multiple-year-old burn upon her forehead – a burn which has been treated (poorly) and refuses to heal, a burn that may very well carry a death-sentence.

I have learned to say “no.”

In my travels through the bush, countless people have brought their problems to me in hopes that I, a mono, a powerful white American man, might solve them. They have asked me for mosquito nets, new wells, closer schools, medications, school fees, food, plant seeds, farm equipment, animal medicines, alcohol, clothing, shoes, agricultural training, jobs, tool repair.

I said no to every single one. I helped no one. And every single “no” was a pain in my side, just as it was in theirs. Every time I uttered the word, it drove the nails of despair deeper into my soul, deeper into my cross.

I turned away all requests with a lengthy and somewhat guilt-ridden explanation that help would eventually come. I had nothing to give but my time and my ears. And even if I were to give, it would not free them from their poverty – it would merely perpetuate the aid-addiction that cripples this region. For, though they saw me as a redeemer, I was and am not.

“Justice is far from us, and righteousness does not overtake us; we hope for light, but behold, darkness, for brightness, but we walk in gloom. We grope along the wall like blind men, we grope like those who have no eyes… All of us growl like bears, and moan sadly like doves; we hope for justice, but there is none, for salvation, but it is far from us.” – Isaiah 59:9-11

The whole business of mapping, counting, and surveying the land of Gulu becomes suddenly meaningless when the beauty of the place peels back to reveal the deep injustice and suffering that lies below.

I thank God and the TTWU GUTS team for reminding me of the lights in the darkness, the glimmers of a coming Kingdom.

I thank them for reminding me of Rose, an ancient widow who has nothing, but lives in utter joy, praising God perpetually, giving us – the richest people she had ever met – one of her few chickens.

I thank them for reminding me of the construction of the Touch the World Health Clinic, which steadily proceeds day by day.

I thank them for reminding me of all the individuals in Adak who are dedicated to rebuilding their homes.

And I thank God for his weakness, the weakness of Christ - which I now share - a weakness that will be revealed as glorious beyond all compare.

After all, the greatest of goods are always revealed in the greatest of suffering…

"Horrendous evils can be overcome only by the goodness of God" – Marilyn Adams

The Bicycle Rediscovered... among other things

Arghghgh!!!! Dear friends and family, I am so sorry that I have neglected updating you over the past few weeks. It might sound like a lame excuse, but, quite frankly, I have been extremely busy over the past few weeks.

Quite a lot has happened since the college team left back in June. Nate, my fellow intern and I have been teaching and leading discipleship groups at the orphanage (SMK) outside Kampala. While mentoring the children has been an incredibly rewarding experience, there are many frustrations inherent to our work at SMK. These kids, who have next to nothing in life, poor family environments, and little prospects for the future, are being further handicapped by a poor, meager education. SMK, like most Ugandan schools, teaches purely by means of rote memorization and repetition. Thus, the children study an overwhelming amount of facts, figures, and definitions - without understanding or comprehending their significance! Nate and I have been trying to remedy this mode of teaching with many direct questions and problem-solving exercises... but it is difficult to affect such change in such a short span of time. Teaching Social Studies has been especially interesting... and frustrating. The curriculum that I was assigned to teach deals with Ugandan ethnic groups - a touchy subject, to say the least! The children have very deep seated mistrust and prejudice towards other groups, and it can cause problems at school (which has a rather diverse student body). I can only pray that I was able to deconstruct some of the extensive stereotypes and jealousies.

About 2 weeks ago, Nate and I went on a weekend excursion to Rwanda to visit the Cyimbili Coffee plantation - which is partly supported by Jacksonville Chapel's "Hope for a Thousand Hills" ministry. What an incredible experience! When ever I get the time (and good internet connection) I will post some of the breathtaking pictures from the region - full of terraced hills, towering volcanoes, incredibly hazardous roads, and deep blue lakes! The coffee was great - the community was greater! [The buses, on the other hand, were not so great...]

As I write this, I am in an internet cafe in Gulu town, Northern Uganda. I will be staying up here in Gulu, living in the village of Adak, for another month. In a few days, Nate will be joining me, along with the TTW GUTS summer team. I am loving village life, and I am finally working on the project which I have so long anticipated - mapping and surveying the Adak countryside! Touring the countryside on bicycle, consulting with the many villagers I meet, I am using GPS to make a map of this "mapless" countryside. In the days to come, I will partner with translators and local friends to survey and interview the many households in the area... in the hope that their ideas and words might teach us how to rebuild the community together! More Details to follow!